If you don’t view your 1 year ago self as cringe, you’re not improving fast enough.
You should be growing so fast that you always see your 1-year-ago self feels like a distant stranger.
If you look the same as you did 1 year ago, that’s a giant red alarm bell that something needs to change.
I went through a self-improvement transformation (and I aspire for much more to come).
I evolved into a different person in how I looked, acted, and thought.
And that’s a good thing.
Your Future Self Feels Like an Alien, and That’s Good
Imagine your future aspirational self. The kind of person you want to become, in terms of looks, fitness, social skills, knowledge, professional career, or masculinity.
That future self probably feels an alien to who you are now. You look at guys who have what you want and you feel worlds apart.
“Can I really become that kind of person?”
“I’m just not the kind of guy who does that”
I’ve learned that if something feels alien or uncomfortable, it’s often a sign I’m moving forward.
Look at pictures of yourself 1, 2, or 3 years ago. You were less skilled, less knowledgeable, less disciplined, and less socially capable.
Why should that be any different going forward?
People often struggle to imagine how much they will change (and should change). Most people believe their current perspectives and desires will be extrapolated indefinitely into the future. This is called the end of history illusion.
You should transform and grow each year.
Here are a few examples from my own life:
- I never cared about my appearance, and then a few years ago I became obsessed with looksmaxxing. I started exercising and working on my appearance. Skin care and fashion felt extremely cringe at first. Fashion was so uncomfortable for me that I’d have to stop researching it after an hour, because my brain hurt with confusion.
- I used to feel that stylish clothes and attention to detail weren’t part of who I was. As I started learning and experimenting, my style gradually evolved. What once felt uncomfortable now feels natural.
- I used to play hours of video games at night and during summer break. Fortnite, NBA 2k, and other games, often solo and sometimes with friends. It was my favorite way to relax. I quit almost overnight, because of one burst of motivation and a desire to change. Months later, I couldn’t understand the appeal of solo video games whatsoever.
- In 2023, I dated for the first time, had sex for the first time, had a friends-with-benefits, and had my first girlfriend. Prior to that, I’d barely even talked to girls, let alone dated them. Past me could never have even imagined what my future self could become and experience.
Paying the Cringe Tax
“Let the past die. Kill it if you have to. It’s the only way to become what you were meant to be.”—Kylo Ren
To become the person you want to be, you need to let an older version of you fade away, so a new version can replace it.
When you first change your behavior, it can feel like impostor syndrome. It feels uncomfortable, but that’s the point.
Growth requires paying the Cringe Tax to upgrade to the next level.
It takes time for your old identity to update to your new actions.
Eventually, it becomes natural and integrated into your identity. It’s just you.
And you’ll look at your past self with shock at how much you’ve changed.
- I tried on a new outfit for the first time, and it felt fake. “This is so not me”. At first, it was small things like wearing ankle socks instead of crew socks, and wearing pants instead of shorts. In reality, strangers assume whatever you’re wearing is normal for you (when was the last time you thought a stranger was dressing out of character?). Now, it’s something I don’t think about, and my old outfits are what’s cringe.
- I tried a middle part hairstyle (instead of a basic short hairstyle), and it felt super awkward in the first month. Your friends will think it’s weird when you suddenly change the hairstyle you’ve had for your entire life. But, I eventually forgot what my old hair even looked like, until I looked at an old picture.
Practical Steps
Here’s the practical takeaway:
- Record your progress, through pictures, videos, and screenshots
- Every few months, look back at your 1-year-ago self
If you’re ambitious, you could look back 6 months ago.
It’s both a progress check and a motivation check:
- Progress check, to ensure you’re not just drifting through life in zombie mode.
- Motivation check, to see how far you’ve come.
The motivation part is underrated. It’s difficult to see your progress day-to-day, because progress is typically slow and incremental.
Set a reminder for 6 months from now and see what you’ve become.